I must protest in the strongest possible terms the appalling treatment my vassal; Sir Hugh of Beeston, and my men suffered at the hands of your ruffians. I had personally dispatched Sir Hugh on a mission to check upon my possessions in Yorkshire (namely the delightful and strategically important village of Little Pontefract) when they were confronted mere miles from their goal by your ‘soldiers’. Without a by-your-leave or slightest warning your men advanced upon them and lit touchholes before attacking my mostly unarmed civilians in the most cravenly cowardly way. I take no small pleasure in the fact that my men fought bravely with the few kitchen utensils they had at hand and held their own long enough to withdraw with the many women and children in their party.
I send you this letter in the expectation of monetary satisfaction to compensate me for the loss of so many spoons in this unnecessary action, and hope you will control your vagabonds in the future. I have enclosed this remarkably photographic artist’s interpretation of this act of villainy as evidence. Any more transgressions and I will be forced to take matters into reprisals and playing loud music late at night.
May I also take this opportunity to congratulate your grace upon the recent building of a further manor house, and hope it provides you with the manners you have recently been lacking.
Lord Flasheart (Derek)
|The dastardly Newcastle troops are in White.|
|Flashearts pike counter-charged, but not very successfully.|
Practical Translation: Lord Flasheart’s (Rick) forces stood abjectly still as the Marquis of Newcastle (Ian H) bounded across the field in a single turn, unloaded their muskets, and as the wind and rain prevented any effective reply, charged in. A few even melees later and Flashearts Royalists were all shaken and defeated. Ian claimed a, so far nameless, Manor as a territory.